Between schools, between jobs and between everything in 2001 I decided to take a leave off from all of the before mentioned to enjoy life itself with myself. 2000 was emotional drama when I moved from my newly acclaimed au pair family in Wisconsin, USA and back to Norway. I dreaded the flight back for months before, and also I had a hard time dealing with separating myself from the little baby girl I took care of, she had become my best friend during my 10 month stay. I've always had a hard time letting go of people, and maybe the fact that she also depended on me so much in everyday life made it even harder. Only 2 weeks after I came back to Norway, her family came to visit and I could hardly wait to get to see her, I spotted her mother and grandmother with a stroller in town, and jumped out of the car I was in with my mother before it stopped. I remember giving her mother a quick hug before running over to the stroller to speak to her and look at her and see if she remembered me. Love has so many shapes and forms, and I was heartbroken to see them go after playing for only 1 hour. I used to always carry her on my left arm, and my body had to adjust to nothing being there for months afterwards, and it was hard teaching the body to get rid of such a strong body memory with intense emotion attached to it.
I never get used to departure or separation of any kind. Time doesn't heal a thing, we just get more used to carrying the notions of dramas in our life around.
So love had struck and I had to leave her behind. New environment, old friends seemed new, and my new friends seemed like a distant memory of something I had once dreamt and emotions swirled inside, it was unreal. Even though I had moved several times before in life, this time I was detached, and just had to try to deal with who I was and what I was here for.
I knew what I wanted, but I didn't realize it!
Still today I get aha-moments where I suddenly realize things that I have only known for so many years, there's a huge difference. Everything becomes more real, touchable and fragile. It's easy to stay detached, because you live in a sort of vacuum and don't have to deal with things the same way you do if you're engaged. But somehow we all need to come out of it, the core of who we are cannot continue to be surpressed forever.

To be continued.